3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
