Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
please don't ironically join a cult
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