bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize