What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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