some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
