Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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