He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
