My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Shame - the story of my life.
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