Kiss
Puke
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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