you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize