If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
