I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
