I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize