If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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