New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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