no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
