Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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