I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
