The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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