I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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