oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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