we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
