everyone is single if you try hard enough
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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