she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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