i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
