He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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