sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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