I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
