I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
