literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
