Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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