My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
