I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
