problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
