she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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