I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
