I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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