I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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