I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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