I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
