her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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