All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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