Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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