He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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