threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mom said you looked used
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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