he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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