Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
