Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
