No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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