Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize