I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
