Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
