i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
