I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
