awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
