i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
