There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Bring me that man meat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize