i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
