Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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