we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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