Your dad touched me again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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