I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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