OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
