He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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