You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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