Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
