woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
