Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Boobs speak an international language.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
