She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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