you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
