Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
