I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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