why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
