He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
