She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pooping to opera.
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