NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
