i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
