i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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