saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to cum in my sink.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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