Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
