I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
