Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize