yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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