we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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