I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
