I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
