Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
